January 16, 2014


"What is more painful, to love someone who never loves you back or to love someone who hurts you even more?
I know it is painful to love someone I don’t love back. If that kind of love were mathematic calculation, if I gave him my love in amount 50, he would gave me 0.  My love would remain 50, considering that calculation came apart from other involving objects. But how about loving someone that hurts you? It would be a minus calculation. I gave him 50 and he gave me -20. The love remained only 30.
Based on my ridiculous theory, it is proven that the one that hurts you gives the more pain.
I love someone who both of persons don’t love me and hurt me. I don’t want to talk about the one who doesn’t love me back. I’m still okay with it because thanks to my theory, my love neither increasing nor decreasing. But the hurting one? I don’t know. I think I can’t stand with him anymore. He keeps saying the words which weaken me day by day. His words are undoubtedly as sharp as a sword. My hearts hurts like the broken mirror.
He says that I’m a devil, because I merely can’t fulfill his request. Why can’t I? Because I protect myself not to have bad experience by doing what he tells me. I know it is hard to understand, but I have a tough reason why. However, there are some circumstances which do not have any reason that makes him horribly angry to me.
I wonder why I keep loving him. I’m clearly angry to myself. How can I do that? I think for a while. Am I angry not because of loving him, but… because of not loving myself? Ha. It is weird. Super weird. If it is true, I have the conclusion of all this mess. Perhaps I’m just jealous, to myself." --Sir Unknown

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